I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
