please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
