found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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