His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
