considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
