Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
