Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
