i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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