It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
