and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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