I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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