Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
My vagina is officially offended.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
