I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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