did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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