Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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