I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I want a musical about memes.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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