Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
