Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
