I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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