I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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