You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
