Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He passed out mid-signature
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
