I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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