you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
