I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
