I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
