I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
