Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Randomize
