dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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