My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
