I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
