My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
