wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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