We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
