I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
