I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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