imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
