Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think my moral compass just broke
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
