HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
