Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
