3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
