I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
