I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
