She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
