I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
