officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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