I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Randomize
