my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she looked like the before picture.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
