in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
