to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
